Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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