can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
