dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
