so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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