you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
