weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
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