smell my finger.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
