you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
