How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
