When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
