brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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