I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize