my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Vodka?
Forever.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
