I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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