why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
