You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
