Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
