I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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