when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You need a sexual gate keeper
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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