U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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