The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
