My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
