dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
