we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
