let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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