i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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