Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
