Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
