Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
