there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
