so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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