A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
