Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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