Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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