You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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