hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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