I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
