sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
