question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I want a musical about memes.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
