You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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