dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
