Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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