is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
