you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
false alarm, still single
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
