You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
