don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I need to calm my uterus...
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
