You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
