i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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