Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
