I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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