the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I am mentally ready for anal.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
The air taste purple.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
