I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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