Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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