My Higher Power is John Stamos
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize