they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
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As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
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There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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