The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
