you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
