Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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