got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize