my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
We're too hungover to prance.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
