I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
