What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
