Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
