What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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