I'm jealous of your bromance
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
