It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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