So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
