i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
