Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
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Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize