I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
It's official drugs can't kill me
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
