You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
