I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
