So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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