Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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