Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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