i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You are the jesus of drinking
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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