I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
