I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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