I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
